From this quiz:

The Machiavelli personality test has a range of 0-100
Your Machiavelli score is: 82
You are a high Mach, you endorse Machiavelli's opinions.

Most people fall somewhere in the middle, but there's a significant minority at either extreme.

This survey itself measures only one thing -- whether you subscribe to the ideas of a 16th century Italian political philosopher. But experiments have shown that reactions to Machiavelli act as a kind of litmus test, delineating differences in temperament that can be confirmed with more traditional personality inventories. High Machs constitute a distinct type: charming, confident and glib, but also arrogant, calculating and cynical, prone to manipulate and exploit. (Think Rupert Murdoch, or if your politics permit it, President Clinton.)

True low Machs, however, can be kind of dependent, submissive and socially inept. So be sure to invite a high Mach or two to your next dinner party.

I absolutely have no affinity with alarms whatsoever. Today, my mobile phone's clock died out on me and didn't wake me up to go for matriculation at nus. Thank god zh called my house to ask, if not I may not even be registered into uni! I do think it was because I spilled wine over my phone few days back that has caused its time & date programming to go ultimately haywired. Haha who would have thought of that? My cellphone got wasted on me!

Bidding is a real bitch as I realized I have zero knowledge on it and that I would be the lecture loner as no one I know wants to take philosophy modules, introduction to lit or french. Hmmm, I guess I should be less reliant on others from now on. I should have learnt my lesson that I won't always have people there for me, that in the end, I would have to overcome everything on my own. I should have learnt this years ago, but I guess I just try to cling on to the false hope humanity is giving me eh?

I suppose everyone wants their own time to themselves, I want my private time too. But sometimes I think, when I do need help, absolute help, who is the first person I turn to? I've been contemplating over the questions many times, tossing and turning it in my head, so what has all this pondering led me to? Nothing. No one. I could not think of a name, a person, a face, not even a silouhette. It really scares me then, to think how alone and withdrawn I am. I'm not sure if it is I who draws away from closeness, or is it others who just find me repulsive to talk to or listen to? And it's at times like these, I think to myself, what the heck. It doesn't matter to anyone so I might as well selfdestruct.

It's not like I haven't tried to trust anyone before. I have, I really tried to. But sometimes I get the feeling people are just too immersed in their own lives to be bothered about mine, so why trouble them? Or there are times they are really to busy to care about this hysterical immature friend of theirs.There was just this once, just this very one time, I really need someone and I did think of someone who would help me, who had helped me. I tried to call her, but no one picked up. I called and called and still no answer, Thus the revelation hit me, that others are busy with their own lives, they have their own problems to solve and their own schedles to follow. What makes you think you are so special, so important, that they would drop everything down and rush to your side? Who made you the first priority on another's list, that she is to put aside all her other friends to pull you out of the darkness you yourself knowingly trudged into?

I wish I wasn't so weird.

But then again, sometimes I do.

In the words of my selfproclaimed Banglah friend,
I ain't got no visa
I aint got no red american express
It don't matter got
O'm the one who loves you best!
Word, iheartmy6bfs@loveccupbreastmen.com!

Finally went to arab street with the girls((: . It was really great to see them again even though they refused to go to the nonairconditioned room so I could smoke sheesha, whcih was SUCH A BIG BUMMER OKAY. But the area where our seats were reserved was really nice, the ambience was so cosy and the food was fantastic sans the fact that they took ages to come. Photos will be up later. I'm lazy to get the camera stand.

While I was walking home, some mat on his bike tried to chat me up which was really damn freaky. I was waiting for the traffic light to turn green when he came driving by and turned at the curb, slowing down in the process. THen he stopped quite near me and waved, and tried to talk to me. Thank god the light changed colour at that moment and flew home as fast as my little stubbly legs could carry me.

I wish I could just hang out with my friends at night at some rooftop or carpark. We'd have pizzas and bottles of beer and barcardi breezer. We'd play silly tunes on the radio and do goofy stuff and gossip under the moonlight. Unfortunately, not everyone has a nonexistent curfew like I do. Sigh.

More photos are up! Ate at crystal jade with ox and huey, then we terrorized the changing rooms of mango as we tried the weirdest clothes around.

I think things are start to settle, and it's time I can finally move on.

It's amazing how I can still laugh like that. I wish I could be like this all the time. I'm so sick of crying and hurting myself. I'm sick of thinking ways to kill myself. I'm tired of drowning myself in music and wine, just so I can stop myself from thinking.

Im stuck home on a wed night
i hate it when people ditch you halfway
and youre left to wallow in sorrow at home
nursing a fever and your wounds
with just a glass of wine to aid the numbingread the w

i tried to take my mind of things by going out with my friends. But then my phone lights up, and a new msg comes in. And each time I feel my heart sink as I read the words on the tiny screen. They cut through the air and slice my arm. THey make me cry so many times I feel like I'm going blind. Bowling was great today and so was dinner. Yet the msges come in again. And I numb myself with more wine.


photos are up under nightout4
more to come

one and a half punctuations to summarize how i am now

:(

You Should Wear Cherry Red Lip Gloss

Wild, fresh, and totally alluring.

What Color Lip Gloss Should You Wear?

You Are A Little Snobby

And being a little snobby every once and a while is totally allowed. Because if no one was ever snobby, no one would ever try to dress up or look pretty. And while you do enjoy the finest things in life (that you can afford), you tire of superficiality. You know there's more to life than what's just on the surface.

Are You a Snobby Girl?

You Are a Fierce Femme

You have a wild side, and you aren't afraid to bring it out when the time is right. But you also know when to hang back and keep your "crazy chick" persona in check. In fact, some of your friends may be surprised to find out how far you can take it... You may look mild mannered, but it's all an act!

Are You a Daring Woman?

Your Inner Muse is Thalia

You are most like this playful muse of comedy. Life is all about laughter to you, and you're a natural comic. You make people laugh until their sides split. And you're always up for some play time!

What Muse Are You?

I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

And I didn't mean to meet you then
we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did

Ok, this entry is waaaayyy over due but due to time constraints and me being in the least state to construct proper sentence(read this as mabok!), it had to wait. It really had to.

Wednesday, wednesday, wednesday! My very last day at the mio technical helpdesk. Good part about the day? No need to pick up calls. Bad part? I had to buddy this girl who was absolutely driving Boss and I nuts nuts nuts! I bet I had went through with her everything a dozen times but still, ntohing retains in her. Hmph. But anyway, the last day was really really sad. Jeremiah had left a day earlier thanks to a certain atm bastard, and JY had food poisoning(I swear, it's really alcohol poisoning) so he had to leave early. Our very last lunch together.

Near the end of the day, emo farewell emails were sent around which was really sad. It felt really nostalgic as I remembered how the jy monster would terrorize us and try to steal my birks, so I had to run all the way over to kenneth's side for cover, while banu would be huddled near her computer, shouting for help from helen OMGOMGOMGOMG. Jeremiah would abuse her with paper ninja death stars and newspapers as he helped her through wireless issues. Boss would be sitting beside me listening to his underground hiphop music. Mysterious man would be sitting his corner, and when we talk he would mysteriously sit there and later throw out a one liner that is so powerful it hurts. My phone bills bursting from msging kenny, racking our brains on ways to get out of little one on one sessions with atm.

I'm going to miss all of them. The dinners with banu, the clubbing twice a week with jy, sh & Kenny( with kenny arranging our offdays and leaves such that we are off on thurs and sun), the eail exchanges with pw and all her innocent comments, and the mass email conversations about lunch timings and bitching about FC & atm. The teasings we had, the scoldings from unreasonable customers, the fear we felt for our eyesight as FC & eun's skirt hemlines got higher and higher, the fermenting green tea collection banu made, the fun our batch had together.

Despite all the complaints I made on how horrid the job is, I wounld't trade the experience for the world(maybe the part about having that disgusting balding tl).

Last night was really the very last time I'm clubbing with Ken & crew. Went with jy, his gf and hi gf's friend alvina too. Was at gotham for a while, just finishing up the few bottles of whisky they opened the previous night. Well, not really a while. We stayed till about 3 a.m odd. The music was really horrid. Like, even if they play rnb for some reason the remix was with a slower beat, probably to cater to the older crowd like st james. Heh heh.

THere was also this male strip dance show which was SO BORING. The guys weren't even cute or hot, and they were too buff. Banu would definetly love them and their c- cup manbreasts. HAHA. The performances were really lame like back in the days of boybands, and the guys were acting all flirty and stuff thinking they are really hot or something. Oh yes, and there was this really crazy guy who was dancing by himself all over the dancefloor and even up n the stage. The epitome of self amusement. I really couldn't stand him, and Man was saying it's a good thing he was sober if ot he would have whacked the guy.

The smoking room in Gotham is SO PUNY with no ventilation at all. Honestly, they are going to accelrate our deaths. Not only do we get lung cancer from the sticks, but also from passive smoking! Hahah. Best smoking room so far in MOS studio 54, which we headed off to after Gotham. Alvina and the gf left after gotham, so the monster was unleashed at Mos. Bottoms up for 5 glasses, he became crazy and began grabbing everyone really hard. AND I MEAN HARD. Fiona kept making me drink up her bourbon coke for some reason, and I really began to get a little high.

Bedroom bar after that, but we didn't stay long as there was this really crazy guy ,who hates pt for putting him in jail, came and kept forcing Ken to get into a fight with him. Suddenly, we were surrounded by themanager and the bouncers who escorted the guy away, and Sharon went outside to get the cops. Ken and Man were like surrounding me and the crazy dude came back and began picking a fight again. Finally, the cops came and pulled him and all of us outside. Ken almost lost it, luckily Man and I pulled him away and we hopped in a cab and went home.

So tired so tired. Just got home at like 4 pm! Sigh I dread the thought of work tmr. Two more days! Two more days...

I troubleshooted for my own computers! hahah. My modem died yesterday so I had to borrow ken's spare one and after a bt of fiddling and calling starhub, my internet is up and running! woo hoo. Such a sense of achievement.

Three more days and counting...

working six days in a row is tiring tiring tiring sigh. at least my OT pay can cover the amount I spent on that lovely swirly pink patterned naf naf dress! heh hehh

Omgggg I really hate atm for snatching away my thur:((((((
just when LIESEL actually asked me to go out to mos tonight, it had to be this wed. They're stuck in medi camp next week so they can't go with me next week. Oh geez, atm that horny bastard. HMPH.

A littlequiz I found again...

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The Real You

Here is the analysis:

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
You don't really care about other people's feelings. You do things the way you want and usually think only about yourself. You are easy-going and love to have fun, but you can be irresponsible as well. You are not keen on serious discussions because they can make you remember that life isn't always about parties.
You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.
Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

What type of personality do you have?

Here is the analysis:

Bright and Cheerful

You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.

More new photos! Pictures when I went out with the girls under nightout4

It's really hard to smile unless you really want to.

Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angels
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I drive on her streets
'Cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
'Cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

It's hard to believe
That there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe
That I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all that way

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away

I can't believeI had to be sucked in by this. I should have known what this maelstrom would escalate to. How could a whirlwind sweep through withouht destroying anything in its path? It's tough. I was so afraid I would sink again. After I had managed to run away fast enough from that ominous shadow, the light had to shine wrongly and get me swallowed again. I need to run faster. But my feet hurts. I wanted to take a pen to stab it My stomach hurt. I wanted to puke blood at lunch, all over the soggy subway sandwich and gooey cookie. My head hurt, I wanted to roll over and lie on the busy road to sleep. Sleep to dream. A dream in which I would wake up in a pool of blood. The blood flowing like a river, guiding me to the right path. Down the drain it goes. Down, down, down.

Why the hel does my blog load so slowly? I was thinking if it was the radioblogs but then again...I do think its the chatbox.

Anyway, anyway, anyway! Last night was another crazy night as we went to mos to celebrate sm's bday. Got a jug of long island tea and some tequila shots. Alex & I went to the smoking room for a while thaks to that idiotic smoking ban. Dammmnnn. Alex got so stoned in there, that some guys kept asking if she was fine. Went over to the smoove room for awhile. Thank god leo was there, each time a guy tried to touch e I could just swop places with him. But when we were leaving the cage to go to the main arena for a drink, some guy tried to feel up my skirt. Ughgross. I think h was trying to touch my butt but the hand went wrong, lucky I escaped in time. Yuck. Gross.

Later, Ken msged me to go look for him at 54, s I brought the rest over. Pt, mann and the national bballers were there. Went to the stairwell to smoke with him and alex, oh gosh, and alex was really bonkers. SHe started speaking chinese non stop and was really maddddd. In the end, sm left first, then leo and i had to take care of alex. Ken offered to help me with alex, but she kept insisted on taking the train. So I pretended to go to the rain station with her first before dragging her to take a cab. When we were walking off, this group of guys were pointing at us and suddenly started following us and tried to talk to me. So on one side I had to hold up a stumbling alex, and on the other side I had to fend of this bunch of horny ah bengs.

Finally, we got to cq mrt area and I tried to get a cab but was unable to get on until the sun came up. Alex's dad called her and she was so drunk she could talk on the phone properly so I tool the phone from her and her dad came to pick us up. Man, what a crazy night.